Don’t prejudge the value of time spent with your child
Posted on Tuesday, October 1, 2013 by
It’s all about making the effort to spend one-on-one time with your child. We’ve all heard that love is spelled T-I-M-E, and it really is.
Our kids, whether they are 2, 12, 32, or 62, want to know they’re important to us. They may not say it, but the thought that goes through every kid’s head is this:
If I were important to Dad, he’d have time for me. Everything else and everyone else seem more important to him.In fact, if you really want to make it clear to them that this is time set aside just for them, ditch the cell phone. Let your wife know where you are in case of emergency, but be unavailable to everyone else. This is your special time with a very special person in your life. You won’t believe how just knowing that will set the stage for great times with your son or daughter.
I would argue that there is no single person in anyone’s life from whom they need affirmation more than from their father. Not that our mothers aren’t equally important to nurture us, but it comes more naturally for mom. She carried you for nine months. In most cases she cared for you, fed you, and rocked you for the first years of your life. She’s the one who took care of you when dad was at work and perhaps when you came home from school, if you were lucky.
Dads, because of their very nature and frequent absences, are typically less nurturing. That is precisely the reason we need to work at it. Because when we do provide just a little affirmation, time and attention, it goes a long way toward encouraging our children. They feel special when dad is at that ball game, dance recital, swimming lesson, track meet or band concert. They may act cool and unimpressed, but did you catch them glancing at you out of the corner of their eye? It does matter to them that you made time for them, even if they don’t tell you so.
Any attempt you make to spend time with your children is a move in the right direction—as long as you don’t do something stupid, like spending that time being critical, sarcastic, or angry. In fact, the more you do just the opposite—by showing and telling them how much you love, respect, appreciate and take pride in them— the more they will look forward to these times together.
Whatever activity you had planned or whatever topic you expected to talk about isn’t nearly as important as just spending time getting to know them one-on-one, listening to, and encouraging them. Educator Samuel Sava said, “
It’s not better teachers, texts or curricula that our children need most; it’s better childhoods, and we will never see lasting school reform until we see parent reform.” We can do better, and it begins with setting aside the time for them.
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Dennis Nun has served on the board of SE NE Youth for Christ for many years. He has written a book “Dad’s Class” (http://www.dadsclass.com/). Dennis has made this book available free of charge to all Campus Life parents. You can download the book here>
Copyright © Dennis L. Nun
Reused with permission. You can download the entire Dad’s Class Book Here >